


I'm Missing More Than Just Your Body

by Phillipa19



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Louis, Drunk Sex, Exes, It has a Happy Ending Though, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Past Cheating, Past Infidelity, Reunion Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, This had the working title of The Exes Au, Top Harry, exes au, it's kinda a misundertsanding so don't write them off as dickheads who cheat, its just smut and a bit of angst really, lilo are flatmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:29:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipa19/pseuds/Phillipa19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson has spent the last two years hiding from his own broken heart, and he's done a pretty damn good job if he does say so himself. That is until his best friend suddenly drags his past through the doors of their local pub and Louis is forced to face the mess he'd run from. </p><p>***</p><p>An exes au because I enjoy angst and smut and misunderstandings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Missing More Than Just Your Body

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is tbh. The title is from Justin Bieber's Sorry because the lyrics seemed to fit this fic quite well. This is pure self indulgence and I wasn't really sure whether to post it or not. Hope you don't think it's rubbish aha.

When he’d agreed to spend the night in the pub with his usual group of mates, what he hadn’t expected was for that one decision to change everything. He’d just finished his second pint of John Smith’s and dramatically acted out his most recent altercation with one of his university lecturers for Niall, when Liam walked in late and trailing one hell of a bad memory. 

Louis felt his face go blank, the grin on his lips dying a quick death and Niall shooting him a confused look. But all Louis could do was stare at the tall boy trailing one of his best friends to their table. There was a real chance Louis was about to throw up all over Niall’s Chelsea boots.

“Hi, sorry I’m late! I had to pick Harry up from the train station,” Liam said with a wide smile and cheeks flushed from the cold night air. Still, Louis couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, couldn’t fucking react. 

That was until Harry looked around the table and caught sight of him. A wide grin stretched those insanely pink lips and Louis felt his heart kick in his chest, adrenaline spiking through him as Harry immediately made his way around the table with a “Lou!”

He scooped Louis up out of his seat and tugged him against his chest as if Louis didn’t weigh a thing. When Harry pressed their lips together in a kiss that began with open mouths and heat and want, Louis kissed back, stunned, for all of five seconds. He managed to gather his wits and tugged back, immediately lifting his hand and slapping Harry across the face with a sound loud and sharp enough to have his group of friends all looking on in horror. Harry winced in pain, but his grin never faltered.

“Hey, baby,” Harry murmured, a bright red mark blooming on one cheekbone, his eyes alight with mirth. One of his hands was blatantly cupping Louis’ arse. Shameless bastard. 

“Go buy me a fucking drink first at least, for fuck sake,” Louis snapped, struggling out of those long, strong arms and dumping himself back into his seat beside a stunned looking Niall. Harry laughed and amiably asked the rest of the table for drinks orders before heading off to the bar. Louis stole Niall’s pint and took a fortifying gulp before looking up at his friends.

“What the fuck was that?” Zayn asked, laughter dancing in his golden brown eyes.

“You know Harry?” Liam asked, brows drawn together and full lips in a slight pout of confusion.

“Mate, that was insane,” Niall laughed. 

Louis sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face, refusing to look up at where he knew Harry stood leaning against the bar. To be honest he kind of might be in shock, his heart was racing in his chest but his emotions were curiously numb for the moment.

“Seriously, what was that?” Zayn asked again and Louis finally met his eyes.

“That was a walking nightmare coming back into my life, courtesy of our dear friend Liam,” Louis said dryly and Liam looked even more confused.

“How do you know Harry?” Liam asked, voice filled with confused frustration.

“We met years ago,” Louis replied dismissively, yanking his guard up and refusing to answer any more of their questions. 

When Harry came back to the table he immediately pulled a seat up beside Louis, pushing in close to be able to casually swing an arm over the back of Louis’ chair. Louis rolled his eyes and snatched a pint from Harry who was easily carrying five pint glasses. Freakishly large hands. Louis tried not to notice how there were new tattoos on Harry’s wrists. New tattoos everywhere if the dark spots under his sheer black shirt were any indication.

“So, Harry, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Niall,” the blond lad said cheerily and Harry immediately reached to shake his hand over Louis with a wide, friendly smile. 

“Hey, man. It’s nice to meet you. Liam’s said a lot about you,” Harry said cheerfully. 

“Funny, he never once mentioned you,” Louis muttered petulantly, making Harry laugh loud and unselfconsciously. 

“He mentioned a Louis but I never knew he meant my Louis,” Harry smirked and Louis reached down to pinch his thigh hard. 

“Call me that again and I’ll punch you in the fucking face,” Louis said calmly, taking another sip of his pint.

“I’m Zayn,” Zayn said before Harry could respond, laughter audible in his voice. Louis glared at him for it. 

“Cool, you’re the one who’s doing art, right?” Harry asked, face showing open interest. Harry had never been very good at masking his emotions, his face like a cinema screen blaring out his feelings, it’d made it comically easy to get the truth out of him in the past. Although, that hadn’t really mattered when everything had blown up in their faces. Louis took a gulp of his beer to drown that thought before it could fester.

Louis ignored the easy conversations Harry fell into, the green-eyed boy slipping into their group as easily as if he’d been here all along. Part of him was still in shock over seeing him again, another part was filled with the deep kind of anger that came from it having years to mature. The final part of him felt nauseous with heart ache. He hadn’t been joking when he’d called Harry a walking nightmare. He looked up at the boy’s profile and it truly was unfair how beautiful he was, but that wasn’t a place Louis needed to go ever again. He’d learned his lesson the first time. 

 

***

 

After a few more pints they all set off home once again, luckily the fact it was a Saturday night meant they wouldn’t have to deal with classes in the morning. 

Louis was just glad to be out of the pub. The thing was, Harry wasn’t acting like they were friends or even former friends, he was acting like they were lovers, and Louis could see each of his friends eyeing Harry with curious fascination for the way he handled Louis like he had every right to. Louis would go up the bar and Harry’s hand would curve over his hip in a proprietary hold. Louis would have a laugh with the bartender- the very straight bartender- and Harry would glare at the poor man until Louis walked away. Louis had been back around the other man for no longer than three hours and he wanted to strangle him.

When Liam and Louis veered off towards their flat, calling out goodbyes to Zayn and Niall, it took Louis longer than he’d care to admit to realise Harry was following closely behind him. He groaned loudly.

“For fuck sake, Li. Don’t you think you should have talked to me first before inviting the green giant to come stay with us?” Louis snapped, head a little fuzzy with alcohol.

“Sorry, Lou, It was kind of an impulsive thing,” Liam shrugged. At least he looked vaguely apologetic.

“Come on, baby! We can bunk up,” Harry said playfully, a wicked smirk on his plush lips, a hand coming up to push back his collarbone length curls. Attractive knob head. 

“You come anywhere near my bed and I’ll castrate you,” Louis snapped before walking a little quicker to get away from him.

“Is anyone gonna tell me how you two actually know each other?” Liam muttered grumpily and Harry laughed. Louis turned just in time to glare at Harry who was opening his mouth, clearly about to spill everything. He lifted a hand to drunkenly point at him.

“Don’t you dare!” Louis snapped and Harry mimed locking his mouth and throwing away the key before raising his palms in surrender. Liam looked even more suspicious now but Louis couldn’t bear the thought of everyone knowing about his past with Harry. Louis had to protect the scraps of dignity he still has.

When they got to the flat Louis almost ran to his room, slamming the door shut behind him and burying his face in his hands. He knew he was shaking, his breath sawing in and out of his throat, his skin clammy with sweat. It felt like he’d finally had enough time for his head to register the fact that Harry was really here. He hasn’t seen him in so long and he’d done a great job of pretending he didn’t exist. Until now. 

He managed to calm himself enough to strip down to his boxers and get ready for bed. He plugged his phone in to charge, ignoring the texts from Zayn and Niall that involved far too many question marks, before switching off the light and crawling under his covers. 

Sleep had begun to creep over the edges of his consciousness when his door opening had him sitting up and blinking blearily up at the form who now closed the bedroom door behind him. Even half asleep Louis knew him.

“Harry why are you in my room?” Louis whispered, scrubbing a hand down his face.

Harry came towards the bed and crawled in without an invitation. Louis sighed and moved closer to the wall to put space between them. The green eyed boy turned onto his side to face Louis and Louis mirrored him, pillowing his hands under his face to reluctantly meet Harry’s stare. He could see the harsh line of Harry’s jaw, the soft curve of his mouth, the streetlight outside his window stronger than his shitty blinds he’d gotten on sale at Ikea. Harry looked good. He’d grown into himself more in the two years Louis hadn’t seen him, his features more defined, his confidence in his own body clear as day.

“Harry, why are you here?” Louis sighed tiredly, his heart feeling bruised.

“I haven’t seen you in over two years,” Harry said softly and Louis swallowed thickly.

“That was kind of the point of me moving away to uni, Haz,” Louis said dryly.

Harry was silent for a moment before he reached out and managed to move them until Louis lay beneath him, too tired to pretend that part of him wasn’t desperate to touch Harry any way he could. Harry moved to lay his hips in the cradle of Louis’ thighs, his upper body resting on his forearms on either side of Louis’ head, his face so close his breath tickled over Louis’ lips. Louis’ chest felt tight with an emotion he couldn’t name. 

“You want me,” Harry said, simple as if he weren’t forcibly shoving himself into Louis’ barriers. There was no arrogance in his voice, no cockiness or bravado. He spoke like it was a fact he knew to the core of himself, and it made a part of Louis hate him.

“I don’t love you,” Louis whispered back and a part of him really didn’t know if that was the truth or not. 

“You want me,” Harry whispered, this time so close that his lips brushed Louis’ with every word. He leaned in that last millimetre and kissed Louis and Louis didn’t have it in him to stop him. This kiss held more desperation than the one in the pub had. The kiss in the pub had been excitement and want on Harry’s part. With this kiss Harry poured his desperate lust into Louis’ mouth and Louis was helpless but to kiss back. 

When Harry moved to kiss and nip his way down Louis’ neck, Louis desperately whined: “I don’t love you,” and he didn’t know whether he was trying to convince Harry or himself. In response Harry’s hands stroked roughly down his sides, squeezing the full curve his hips tight before travelling down to Louis’ knees and using the hold to spread his legs further and hitch his legs up around Harry’s hips. 

Harry’s hands slid once more up Louis’ body once he was sure Louis would keep his legs where Harry had put them. His hands slipped over Louis’ bare skin, his fingers spanning the smallest part of his waist. Harry put his lips to Louis’ ear as his hips rocked against Louis’, pressing their hard lengths together teasingly. Louis felt both shame and lust flush his cheeks what was probably a shocking red and found himself thankful he was partially hidden by darkness.

“I’ve missed you, baby,” Harry murmured huskily against Louis’ jaw and the smaller boy let out a small whine that he didn’t manage to stifle. 

“Shut the fuck up and fuck me,” Louis whined, desperate to make Harry stop talking. If he could keep his heart out of this then Louis wouldn’t hate himself too much in the morning for it.

Harry got both himself and Louis naked in record time and his hands were confident as they stroked over every inch of Louis. Louis moaned and whimpered and couldn’t shut himself the fuck up because Harry knew him. Harry knew exactly how to touch him and it was fucking with his head. 

Louis didn’t pause to think when he reached out to grab the lube from the bedside drawer, silently handing to Harry before hiding his face in Harry’s neck and scoring his nails down the broad span of Harry’s bare back. 

Harry moaned from the scratch of Louis’ nails but quickly loved to slick three fingers with Lube and reach down between Louis’ thighs to stroke over his hole. Harry stretched out Louis’ body with the ease of practice and before long Louis was squirming and sweating on the sheets as Harry fucked three fingers in and out of him.

“Come on,” Louis ordered breathlessly and Harry pulled his fingers out carefully. Louis whined but it only took Harry a few moments to spread some more lube onto his cock and press the head to Louis’ hole. He pushed in in a long, slow glide that had Louis’ head tilting back and his mouth falling open on a shameless moan. It’d always been his favourite part; that first initial stretch of being filled for the first time. 

Harry panted into his neck hotly when he finally seated himself fully inside of Louis. Louis lifted his legs to wrap them around Harry’s hips, his arms tightening on Harry’s neck until Harry moved to kiss him, all teeth and tongue and slick heat. Louis bit down hard on Harry’s lower lip and heard Harry hiss as he tasted the sharp, metallic tang of blood on his tongue. Harry kissed him harder before pulling back his hips and slamming back into Louis without hesitation. Louis groaned into Harry’s mouth as the larger man fucked into his body like he was determined to break the fucking bed. Louis clung on for the ride and couldn’t halt the sounds that spilled from his lips.

When Louis came it was with a high pitched moan and Harry’s mouth sucking a bruise onto his collar bone. Harry came a few moments later, pulsing into Louis and biting down onto his neck hard. Louis yelped and gripped Harry’s hair hard, yanking his head away from his neck. Louis’ hold on his hair had Harry’s head tilted back, the column of his throat strong and pale, but Harry merely smirked down at him, eyes heavy lidded as he breathed heavily from exertion. 

Harry didn’t look away from Louis’ gaze as he slowly pulled his hips back and left Louis’ body, so he saw the second Louis felt the drip of come leaking out of him and scrunched up his nose in disgust, a response Harry merely laughed at. Louis wanted to hate himself for not using a condom but that had always been their one point of absolute trust. They only ever fucked each other bare because they never had anyone else like that. Maybe it was stupid of Louis to let them fall back into that but something in him couldn’t help it. 

Harry moved to lay on the bed beside Louis with a sigh and Louis turned onto his side so he was face him once again. Harry looked into his eyes and his lips curved into a soft smile that Louis refused to return. 

“I fucking missed that,” Harry murmured, voice husky and deep and Louis hated him for the way it made renewed arousal stir in his abdomen. 

“You’re a fucking twat,” Louis muttered but let Harry tug him against his chest to sleep. When Harry’s hand drifted down to his arse to stroke through the mess he’d made between his cheeks, Louis bit him hard enough to bruise on the chest in punishment. 

Eventually Harry grabbed his tshirt from the floor and helped Louis clean up a little before wrapping his arms around the smaller boy and falling asleep like that. Louis ignored the way his heart ached and told himself he hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

 

***

 

Louis woke up on Sunday naked and plastered to Harry’s chest, their skin sweaty and sticking together when Louis went to move away. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and slipped out of the bed without waking Harry. He had dried come all over him and his mouth tasted like something had died in it. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and walked out of his room and to the bathroom completely naked since the flat was silent and Liam was clearly still asleep. He slipped into the shower with a relieved sigh. 

He wasn’t all that surprised when Harry slipped into the shower behind him a few minutes later. Harry came to stand behind him, hands sliding over Louis’ wet hips, and Louis let himself have a last moment of weakness. He leaned back into Harry’s chest, head falling back onto his shoulder. Harry ducked his head to press a gentle kiss to Louis’ shoulder and fuck if it didn’t break the already broken pieces of Louis’ heart. These moments with Harry, the calm in the eye of the storm, had always been the most painful. They gave Louis a glimpse of just how good they could be but they just never lasted. He knew better by now. 

Louis couldn’t take the softness without breaking down so he turned in Harry’s arms and went up onto his tip toes to kiss Harry slow and languid. Harry kissed him back easily, his hands stroking up and down Louis’ wet body until Harry’s cock was a hard press against Louis’ lower stomach and Louis’ was insistent against Harry’s tattooed upper thigh. When Harry reached down to grip the backs of Louis’ knees Louis didn’t hesitate before jumping a little to help Harry lift him. He picked Louis up easily, moving to press his back against the cold tile, making Louis’ back arch sharply in shock. Harry hooked Louis’ knees over his inner arms and pinned Louis’ to the wall as Louis reached to grab the bottle of bath soap. The BabyBath was a crappy lube substitute but Louis was still pretty relaxed from last night and it’d have to do because Louis refused to leave the shower. Harry used the blue liquid to slick his fingers and cock, quickly using his fingers to make sure Louis was ready before slowly pushing his thick erection into him. Louis huffed a little at the burn of the stretch but sighed as Harry finally filled him until his hips were flush to Louis’ arse and thighs. The way Louis was pretty much folded in half meant that he had little to no choice but to stay pinned in place as Harry’s hips pistoned his cock in and out of his body. They panted wetly into each other’s mouths, the spray of the shower warm against their skin, Harry’s hands braced hard on the white tiles as he fucked Louis.

It wasn’t long before Louis was coming between them and Harry’s hips were stuttering in their rhythm as the taller boy came inside of Louis for the second time. 

Harry helped Louis stand on his own feet and they cleaned one another under the spray with slow, affectionate sweeps of their palms, the air between them thick with everything they left unsaid. Louis hated how weak he was for the boy he hated with every shattered piece of his broken heart.

 

***

 

Louis left his Monday class feeling the start of a headache in his temples. He sighed and pulled his bag higher on his shoulder, weaving his way through the other students and exiting the building into the courtyard. He just wanted to go home, even if that meant having to deal with Harry again. A hand on his arm had his feet stopping and him lifting his head. He smiled tiredly at the man looking down at him. 

“Greg, hey,” Louis said, wanting to leave but caught up in Greg’s kind smile. It was no secret he had a crush on Louis and Louis'd be lying if he said he wasn't flattered by it. But, with the reappearance of a certain green-eyed man Louis found he didn’t have it in him to flirt and have a laugh with Greg. He didn’t want to analyse that thought to carefully either.

“Hey, you just finish class?” Greg asked, body close to Louis’. Subtlety wasn't his strong point but when you’re as tall as a house it’s probably not exactly natural to you. If Harry made him feel small then Greg made him feel like an ant. He also really needed to stop relating everything back to that curly-haired horror. 

“Yeah. Two hour seminar. Wanted to gouge my eyes out,” Louis replied with a roll of his eyes making Greg laugh a little too hard. Gotta give the guy props for trying. 

“Hey, I was wondering if you want to maybe go for-” Greg started but his words were cut off as a large hand slid possessively over Louis’ hip and a warm body came into contact with his back. Louis sighed loudly. 

“Would Louis like to go where?” Harry asked with a wide, charming grin that did nothing to hide the steel in his eyes. 

“Uh, do I know you?” Greg asked awkwardly and yet still polite. Yeah. That was exactly the reason Louis had never taken him up on those offers before. Greg was a really nice guy. Too nice. The kind of nice that during sex you’d scratch his back and he’d apologise. 

“I’m Harry. Louis’ . . . Friend,” Harry trailed with a suggestive smirk that left nothing to the imagination. Louis internally rolled his eyes. Externally he moved a foot back to step on Harry’s toes where Greg couldn’t see. 

“I’ll see you around, Greg, okay?” Louis said as Harry started tugging him away. 

The second they were around the corner and out of Greg’s line of sight Louis jabbed an elbow into Harry’s ribs and smiled meanly at the ‘oof!’ that left Harry’s lips. 

“Who the fuck was he?” Harry muttered, lifting the hand that wasn’t around Louis’ shoulders to rub at his ribs. 

“A friend. And it’s none of your fucking business anyway. Why the fuck are you here?” Louis snapped with a glare but didn’t pull away from under Harry’s arm. He was a glutton for punishment, what can he say?

“It’s my business when some fucking giant wants to get into your pants. And I came to pick you up and take you for dinner,” Harry replied calmly but Louis heard the irritation in his voice and smiled. 

“I can fuck whoever I want. And you’d better be paying for me,” Louis replied as Harry lead them through town. Harry smiled down at him and Louis felt it like a punch in the heart. Whoever the fuck made this boy and gave him that smile has a cruel sense of humour. 

“Of course I’m paying. Now stop fucking whining and get inside,” Harry laughed and opened the door to a small cafe for him. Louis walked inside and a cheery woman lead them to a booth by the window. 

He ordered a tea for himself, Harry ordered a latte, and the woman left them with menus as she went to prepare their drinks. 

“Liam keeps asking me what happened between us,” Harry said with a small smile and Louis sighed. 

“Did you open your big mouth?” Louis asked wearily, rubbing at his throbbing temples. 

“Nope,” Harry said, popping his lips on the P. 

“Good,” Louis nodded. 

“You know, this is a date,” Harry said after the woman came back and deposited their drinks. 

“Figured as much,” Louis said with a shrug and roll of his eyes. 

“You know we’re good together. We make sense,” Harry said with a careful smile. Louis refused to acknowledge the trace of vulnerability he could see in Harry’s eyes. 

“We’re a fucking powder keg waiting for a spark and you know it as much as I do,” Louis corrected, taking a sip of his tea. 

Harry seemed to fall into his thoughts after that and the rest of their ‘date’ went by with them at a sort of impasse, nothing more said about their past. But it never felt awkward, that had always been the way they were, able to have conversations about anything and everything and never fall into an odd silence. They’d always been easy in that respect and maybe it was because part of them had always been best friends despite the chaos of emotion between them.

Walking back to Louis and Liam’s flat was a quiet affair but half way there Harry caught hold of Louis’ hand and threaded their fingers together. When Louis deliberated but didn’t pull his hand away Harry smiled down at the path happily. Yeah, Louis was in serious trouble. 

Liam was sat watching telly in their crappy living room when Harry and Louis got back. Liam raised an eyebrow at their linked hands but kept his mouth shut thankfully. Louis went to sit beside him as Harry headed off to Louis’ room to change into some sweatpants. He’d unofficially decided Louis' room was his and Louis didn’t have it in him to argue. 

“You know, you can trust me,” Liam said softly and Louis sighed. 

“I know, Li. It’s just complicated,” Louis shrugged. 

“Try me,” Liam said with a careful smile and fuck, Louis wanted to. He wanted to talk about what had happened between him and Harry. He never had. After everything had blown up he hadn’t spoken to anyone. It’d been so hard because every friend he had was also Harry’s and he hadn’t wanted to make anyone pick a side. He’d put in his options for universities far away and left as soon as possible. 

“We were kind of together, years ago,” Louis said hesitantly and Liam blinked in shock before nodding for him to carry on. “We had this . . . weird relationship. We were together for just over two years, all through college. Things were so fucked up by the end and I basically picked the furthest university I could and I ran away from it all,” Louis shrugged. 

“And you haven't seen him since?” Liam asked with a furrowed brow. 

“Nope. Not in two years have I seen or spoken to him. I changed my number. Deleted him off of social media and put everything on private. I did everything I could to forget about him,” Louis said softly, aware of Harry two doors away. 

“What happened between you two?” Liam asked with a frown and Louis was about to reply when someone else beat him to it. 

“He fucked someone else. I fucked someone else. Kind of a clusterfuck of a bad ending,” Harry said calmly from the doorway. Louis sighed and scrubbed his hands over his eyes, trying to ignore Liam’s shocked expression. 

Harry walked in and sat in the arm chair adjacent to them. He looked calm but Louis could see the emotions roiling in his deep green eyes. 

“What the fuck?” Liam asked, looking disapproving. 

“We weren’t exactly the healthiest of relationships,” Louis muttered, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes but refusing to shed them. Because, fuck, Harry had no idea whatsoever of the truth. 

“And yet you know we should still be together,” Harry pointed out as if it was nothing, as if Liam didn’t look like he was about to swallow his tongue. 

“I don’t love you, Harry,” Louis bit out and Harry smiled. 

“Keep telling yourself that, baby. Let me know when you actually start to believe it,” He replied before walking out of the room. 

“What the fuck?” Liam burst out and Louis laughed humourlessly. 

“Exactly.”

 

***

 

After that there was something sharp and uncomfortable between Harry and Louis. Something in Harry’s eyes sparked with possessive jealousy and Louis wanted the laughter back. He wanted the flirting and the playfulness back. He never thought he’d say he wanted Harry to go back to teasing him and winding him up but here he was dreadfully missing Harry’s smile.

The week went by uncomfortably slow and when Niall invited him out on Friday night he jumped at the chance. It turned into a lad’s night out and Louis resolved to avoid Harry as much as possible. But it seemed utterly impossible. Everywhere he went he could feel Harry’s eyes on him. He could feel the way they slid over his body as he danced with Niall, and he wouldn’t admit to it out loud but he danced sexier on purpose, something in him revelling in having Harry’s full attention. God, they were so fucked up. 

When a random lad put his hand on Louis’ waist and asked to dance, Harry was in his space in seconds, kissing Louis like it was the last thing he was ever going to do. 

The other boys seemed to feel the tension between them, subdued and waiting for the explosion coming, and they weren't wrong to wait. All five of them headed back to Louis’ and Liam’s for FIFA and takeaway and when Niall randomly asked Louis if he’d seen Greg around lately Harry seemed to snap. 

“Why’re you asking Lou?” Harry asked Niall, his face expressionless, before he turned to Louis, “you fucking him or something?” 

Louis’ mouth dropped open and the other three boys seemed frozen as they waited for Louis’ response. 

“The only person I’ve fucked lately is you. But wait, that doesn’t exactly go both ways, does it? So, who else have you been fucking, then?” Louis asked brightly, shining with false cheer, anger a bright light in his chest. 

“I haven’t fucked anyone else,” Harry snapped. Louis gasped dramatically. 

“Really? Wow, I sure am lucky, having you all to myself. Makes a fucking change,” Louis replied sarcastically. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Harry shouted, standing up from his seat. Louis mirrored him, going toe to toe and trying to ignore how much bigger than him Harry was. The other three boys shifted nervously, Liam looking like he was ready to jumped between them and protect Louis. 

“You fucked someone else!” Louis spat. 

“So did you!” Harry screamed in his face. 

“No. I. Didn’t,” Louis said slowly, maliciously, and Harry's face blanked in shock, his arms raised wide now fell to his sides like all the fight had been drained out of him. 

“What?” Harry asked, his voice choked. Louis looked into those wide green eyes and felt something in him break. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t keep pretending he was anything but utterly heartbroken over this stupid boy. 

“I lied. I never slept with someone else,” Louis said, feeling so drained all of a sudden. He’d kept this to himself for two years, tried to protect his battered pride. He’d been able to pretend that they’d both fucked and that’d made Louis feel less like the pathetic fool who got cheated on by the guy he loved. 

“I . . . Louis . . .” Harry stammered and Louis had had enough. 

“Liam, can I stay in your room tonight?” Louis asked softly, sadness a vice around his heart and Liam nodded wordlessly. 

Louis heard Harry trying to speak to him hit walked away without another word, going to Liam’s room and curling up in his best friend’s bed. He felt like he was back there again, finding out Harry had slept with someone else, feeling once again like he just wasn’t good enough.

 

***

 

He woke to a still dark room and strong arms tugging him up from the bed and against a hard chest. Louis sighed and snuggled into Harry’s neck, too tired to be strong. 

“Come on, baby,” Harry whispered into his hair, carrying him to his own bed and curling up inside of it with him. 

“I hate you so much,” Louis mumbled, eyes still closed. Harry kissed him on the temple.

“I love you, too,” Harry whispered, holding him tighter as Louis fell back into sleep. 

 

***

 

Louis woke up to his nose pressed against Harry’s bare chest, the taller boy’s arms wrapped tight around him. Louis’ own body was tucked in as close as he could get. Who was he trying to fool? Even in his sleep he tried so damn hard to be as close to Harry as possible. But how the hell could they ever get past what had happened between them?

They needed to talk, that much was clear. Louis’ heart kicked nervously but he knew he had to do this. They couldn’t go on like they were. And who knew when Harry was even going to leave? Did Louis really want to part ways with things so confusing between them? Did he want to part ways at all? 

Harry slowly came awake, his arms squeezing tighter around Louis, a sleepy hum against Louis’ temple that made him smile. 

“Morning, baby,” Harry murmured into his hair and Louis had to swallow back tears. 

“Morning,” Louis whispered against Harry’s throat . . . Fuck. He’s so utterly in love with this man. So utterly heartbroken by what they’ve done to each other. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah, figured that was coming,” Harry replied, voice husky with sleep, eyes still shut when Louis leaned back to look up at him on the pillow they shared. 

“Open your eyes,” Louis whispered nervously. Harry’s long lashes fluttered open to show sleep hazy green eyes. “I don’t want to fight anymore,” Louis said, not looking away from Harry’s gaze. Harry’s pink lips pulled into a soft smile. 

“Baby, I think fighting is part of who we are,” Harry murmured teasingly and Louis rolled his eyes. 

“I meant I don't want any more lies. I don’t want to keep thinking about what happened,” Louis replied and Harry’s smile slipped away as his eyes darted from Louis’ face. 

“Why did you tell me you’d slept with someone else?” Harry asked softly and Louis sighed. 

“Because you kissed that Melissa girl and someone told me you left with her after the party . . . I was so sure you’d slept with her and I couldn’t handle being the jilted one,” Louis explained sadly. Harry frowned. 

“Lou . . . We were never exclusive. We never had that talk about being with only each other,” Harry started and Louis went to interrupt but Harry cut him off, “No, I’m not saying that you had no right to be mad. What I’m saying is that we spent two years using drunken kisses with other people to wind each other up. Why did we never just cut the bullshit and admit that we only wanted each other?” Harry asked, so much frustration on his beautiful face. 

“Because you were too stubborn and I was too self-conscious. I thought you’d stop things between us if I said I wanted us to be exclusive,” Louis said feeling so damn vulnerable right now but knowing this was his only option if he wanted to fix things between them. 

“I didn’t fuck Melissa that night. I kissed her. I’ll admit to that. But I literally just walked her home after. She was drunk and crying about her last break up and I felt bad,” Harry shrugged and Louis sighed, something in him relaxing. Harry looked down before meeting Louis’ eyes again, “I felt guilty. I’d used her for that kiss. I knew it’d get back to you. I wouldn’t have kissed her otherwise. Why would I? I didn’t like her like that. I didn’t like anyone like that but you.” 

“I didn’t even go near the guy at the club. I literally just made it up, told a few people I knew would spread it, and let it all happen on its own,” Louis said, cheeks flushing in embarrassment over the young and stupid boy he’d been back then. 

“I should have come to you after I heard it. I should have realised it could be just a rumour, even if I didn’t realise it was you who started it,” Harry said, his eyes filled with apologetic sadness. “I was mad. I was so fucking angry. But I shouldn’t have slept with Sarah to get back at you. That was fucked up.”

“I . . .” Louis swallowed hard, forced himself to say the words that burned in his throat, “I fucking loved you so much and I was just so angry and hurt and I wanted you to be hurt too and fuck . . . I should have confronted you when I was told about Melissa,” Louis said sadly, tears leaking from his eyes against his will. “It’s literally all my fault.”

“Lou . . . We both kissed other people. We both pushed and pushed at each other. Is it any wonder that we ended up breaking how we did? It was bound to fucking happen and it’s no one’s fault in the end because we both did stupid shit and hurt each other,” Harry said forcefully, lifting a hand to cup Louis’ jaw. “I know I hurt you. I know that no matter what was said I was the one who actually fucked someone else in the end. I know that makes me a shitty person. But I’m older now. I know what I did was wrong and I’d never fucking do it again. I need you to tell me I still have a chance with you. I can’t . . . I can’t imagine carrying on without you, baby,” Harry’s voice cracked on the last word and it killed Louis to see that sheen of tears in his eyes. Louis leaned in close to nuzzle against his jaw, curling their bodies as close as possible. 

“I hated you so much for sleeping with someone else. I thought I’d never be able to see past it but . . . I’ve missed you so fucking much and I’m so tired of feeling like something is missing. You were what was missing and I want you back in my life," Louis said against Harry’s skin and he felt the taller boy shudder as relief hit him. 

“I love you so fucking much, Louis Tomlinson,” Harry said roughly, one hand gripped tight in Louis’ hair to drag his mouth against his, kissing him with love and need and utter relief.

“Fuck someone else again and I’ll cut your dick off and feed it to you,” Louis murmured into Harry’s mouth and the curly-haired boy laughed so hard tears leaked from his eyes. 

“Cross my heart and hope to die, baby,” Harry said with a smile as his laughter finally petered out. They weren’t fairy tale perfect but Louis loved Harry with every beat of his bruised heart. Maybe their love was better for every tear soaked crack that had split it and healed to be stronger despite the scar tissue. Louis could believe that, hope a burning light in the centre of his chest, and when he looked into Harry’s eyes he could see the same flame burning within them. 

For the first time in his life he began to believe in soul mates; how fucking cheesy is that?

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty please leave a comment of what you thought, they mean so much to me <3
> 
> I'm over on tumblr at thedeliciousrude if you'd like to come say hi :D
> 
> Phillipa xxxxx


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